Heartbroken

Yesterday sucked :-( We got up early to get my lining checked in Green Bay and it was a 5.34 however there was more fluid than lining. So the whole cycle got cancelled. You can see in this u/s pic where they measured. The black is Fluid, white is lining. We needed it to be a 7.

 I have been doing everything humanly possible to get this lining thick. At least the nurse that measured my lining check gave Jason and I a little lesson in the Endometrium lining so now I can read future ultrasounds much better. The fluid was there at my last lining check on 3/10 but not at the first one on 2/25. So the fluid could be old blood or a response to the Lupron or Estrace...Who knows, I can't speculate at this point. But I do think waiting for my period to come and starting over with a new plan (new meds) is the best choice. They make Patches, shots and vaginal viagra. So I will be curious to see what the next plan is.

Lining issues are somewhat common and I know lots of girls that have gone through this or are going through it now. Most of them re cycle and they are fine. I haven't had a period in years so this could have been why as well. I was instructed to stay on the Nuva Ring...So every 3 weeks put in a new one so I wouldn't bleed...Hindsight, maybe one period could have been good. But Again I will drive myself nuts thinking could of, should of, would of. The plus side is that I have 2 kids and have been pregnant before so I am not broken.

Telling my IM was the worst. I felt so bad, I still feel so bad. Where did we go wrong? uuuggggg  Holding back the tears has been tough.

So now we wait for AF (Internet lingo for your period)  to arrive...They said 10-14 days I am hoping for like tomorrow?? LOL I can wish right?

I have an acupuncture apt on 3/24, then weekly for the next 4 weeks. This is a key thing to aid in thickening lining and increasing blood flow to the uterus according to countless hours I have spent online reading about lining.

I also gained about 7 lbs from this med cycle so maybe T25 is in the future...I bought it a while ago and it still sits in the box under my TV.  At a minimum it will give me something to do when I would usually be reading, talking, FBing surrogacy stuff. Its really consumed my life, which I LOVE, and still do just not the roller coaster ride that comes with it.  Although I can't complaint because my ride has been WAY shorter than my IP's 6 year struggle...Then to make matters worse my IM's husband being deployed. My heart really does break for them :-(    *tears* I am thankful that I do have Jason to talk, bitch, cry, vent, complain, and bitch some more to. He really has been great because I have been an interesting person the last month! LOL We were eating Dinner and I said "Jeez I am probably a pretty bad girlfriend huh?" Of course he doesn't think that but I know not just any man could deal with me. :-D

2014 has sucked for us in so many different ways. If we end up transferring now in late April Early May at least the baby will be born in 2015 and GOOD FREAKIN BYE 2014!

So here's to getting my period and starting fresh.....Its going to be a long 10+ days

Dumb Uterus

Today was suppose to be my last lining check....Well that didn't go as planned. It was 4.1 back on Feb 25th and today I was a 4.7 (Or 4.4 they told me one # and RMA another) But either way it wasn't 7+ which is what it needs to be to transfer the embryos. So the transfer on the 18th is cancelled.

I started on Estrace (estrogen) initially @ 1mg, 2 twice a day orally. Then, it was increased 6 days ago to 2 mg 2 times a day orally, Now they up'd it again 2 mg, 3 times a day vaginally. Hopefully that will be the trick (you would think since its closer to my uterus...) I will go back on March 17th for another u/s and we will know if we can transfer this month still.

I was soooo mad/sad/pissed this morning I feel like I like my IPs down :-( I got some reassurance after a few surrogates in my Facebook group had or are going through the same lining issues. Sometimes meds just don't work the same for all people.

I know my body works just fine since I obviously get pregnant and stay pregnant but this is a whole new ball game.

I am optimistic that Monday things will be good and we can still transfer this month as planned. So everything need to "Think Thick!"